I'm slowly preparing for the arrival of midsummer. Following last year's catastrophical midsummer party at my dad's, I'm gratiously accepting an invitation to instead spend the time at a good friend's summer house at the east coast. A lot of nice people will be there, so I think we'll have good time.

I have spent my last few days with garderning. Yes, as in making a garden look nice. Admittedly, not the kind of gardening that requires any talent - which I obviously lack - but at least spending time outdoors and doing physical things. Yesterday, 15 tonnes of grit (as the dictionairy tells me grus is called in english) arrived at our doorstep, so we've been spending quite some time shoveling that around. And it's heavy. It hurts. Everywhere.

There is this girl, who has made me all fuzzy lately. Tingeling heart, butterflies, you know the drill. This really surprises me. I'm still very hesitant to it all: it is way too soon and I am way too broken in every possible way. I really shouldn't get engaged in anything at all. But what is one to do? And if I actually do indulge into this, how do I know it is not some subconsious way of trying compensating for the quite recent episode where I was totally wrecked by for once opening up my heart entirely for one girl? Also, will I be able to commit myself in that way again, this soon? Do I actually need to, or can I engage in this and yet take things slowly, and let things happen gradiously? It always makes me quite suspicious when someone that knows as much about me as she do is interested. It should really signal some lack of common sense. But I'm trying to ignore that.

Anyhow, she is fantastic. And she will be with us tomorrow. I pray that I will behave.

Happy midsummer to you all.